Two of my favorite songs are “Under Pressure” by David Bowie with Queen, and “Pressure” by Billy Joel. When I feel overwhelmed with all that life seems to expect from me, I take a walk and blast these songs as a way to wallow in my frustration for a minute, but then to get tough. Determine for myself that I will handle the pressure. The songs serve as inspiration to me; I see through their lyrics that life is full of pressure for everyone, and if others can endure, then so can I.

Then, imagine my delight in the Godly revelation this morning that this concept is exactly the role God has prescribed for us as believers. As I studied and prepared to teach my Sunday School lesson for this week, I came across this verse: “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1: 4-5). The writer of the “teacher book” explained that the Greek word used for affliction is “thlipsei,” which literally means “under pressure.”

God comforts us in our affliction (our moments under pressure) so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction (in their own moments under pressure). That one translation meant more to me than all my other understandings of Christian comfort. Not that I don’t desperately appreciate all those who have comforted me and others through serious sufferings like sickness and death and unexplainable tragedies, but I expected those. I grew up in church and was taught over and over again that as a follower of Christ, we are to live a life of service and love to others, especially those who are going through hard times.

But no one ever bothered to teach me that hard times included being under pressure. In fact, in most of my experience, one does not talk about being under pressure. If one does, one can expect to be told to “suck it up” or to hear the explanation of “that is life.” Or, someone might say, “Look, if you can’t handle it, get out of the way and let someone else do it.” I can’t help but wonder if our inability to comfort each other about feeling under pressure in the modern world can be blamed for a host of unhealthy choices we make from feeling overwhelmed with pressure and expectations. For instance, turning to alcohol or pills to help ease the frustration from the nagging voice of “you just don’t measure up.” Or angry outbursts and broken relationships that come from feeling alienated and misunderstood because we can’t talk out our feelings of feeling pressured. Or resorting to superficial physical attention in temporary sexual relationships to try to prove to ourselves that we do measure up. Or throwing ourselves into working far beyond our physical capabilities, driving ourselves into near madness or a nervous breakdown, trying to live up to those expectations. Where is the Christian comfort that says, “I, too, have felt the immense pressure of modern society. Here is how the Lord comforted me, and here is how we can persevere and succeed.”?

Granted, I have seen a few Christian devotions or blogs that encourage women to find their value in the Lord and not in the world’s expectations – all worthwhile and valuable and necessary. And I thank the Lord for that help. Yet, what I see in my immediate world is an unending push to present our lives as perfect. Well meaning Godly women who strive to check off every box on the perfect Godly woman checklist. If we just have faith enough, if we just pray enough, we will be able to maintain a healthy and attractive body, keep a gloriously clean home that provides comfort and understanding to beautiful and overachieving children, support our husbands in their professional endeavors while looking quite beautiful as we do so, work as devoted employees and volunteers in our schools, community organizations, and churches, read the latest books, create a beautiful garden, help our elderly parents, spend time with friends, and the list goes on and on and on. Just typing this checklist makes my heart pound and my shoulders tense up. The pressure is real, and we are not allowed to talk about it. We are not allowed to say, “I am tired of trying to live up to the expectations.”

Or if we do say that, we get one of these responses. One, “I know, it’s so hard. I just do the best I can.” Subject dropped. Two, “Who gives you these expectations? You put them on yourself. Just be who you want to be, and who cares what others think?”. Three, “Find your value in the Lord. Be the person He wants you to be and ignore the rest of the world.” Four, “You are falling into worldliness, falling into the traps of what the world says you should be. Rest in the Lord. He says His yoke is easy.” Five, “You need to prioritize. Decide what is important, and lump the rest.” All true. All valid. But not at all helpful by themselves, especially when those relaying such advice do so while trying to check off the boxes herself, trying to thrive under pressure, too.

Then, I wondered if the problem comes from the fact that we have not found comfort from the Lord in this affliction. Are we not turning to Him and giving Him those feelings of being under pressure so that the overflow of comfort from the Lord empowers us to help others in the same situation? Or if someone has given it to the Lord and has found solace and comfort from the Lord, is she not sharing it? Or is she not allowed to share it because our culture demands excellence, perfection? Has she been scared into stuffing her blessings because we are not supposed to admit that the pressure gets to us? Instead, we are encouraged to advertise our material blessings – the ones people can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Our homes, our families, our professional successes. So, the true supernatural comfort from the Lord is tucked away behind appealing photos of a checklist life.

So, what should we do?

​If the Lord admonishes us to use our suffering in life to comfort those who are going through similar suffering, then let’s do that for feeling under pressure, too. For instance, when I was going through my divorce, I wanted to talk to other women who had been through divorce, too. I wanted to hear their stories and see how they came through to the other side. When I worry about my teenage sons, I want to hear stories from women whose sons are grown. When I worry about my aging parents and how to care for them, I want to hear from women who have done that, too. As someone who feels nearly crushed under the pressure of obligations and expectations, I want to hear from other women who feel the same. I want us to get real about that pressure. I want us to talk honestly about how while we hate the feeling of being pressured to be a certain kind of woman, we still strive to be that woman because we know how society views her. We also know what other women say about the woman who caves under pressure, the woman who doesn’t live up to the expectations.

I don’t want trite and simple answers. I don’t want platitudes of understanding accompanied by photos of your perfect vacation or your child’s straight-A report card or your gourmet homemade dinner. I don’t want any more talk of competition and being able to run with the big dogs. And even as I type this, I know that the moment I publish it, someone will think, if not say, that Kristie must be having trouble. Someone will use this as a scored point for them, a penalty box for me. If we want to stop this madness, this is a risk I must take.

I want us to acknowledge that living under pressure is an honest affliction in our society – not that it obviously hasn’t been since even ancient times (hence Paul’s use of this word here). I want us to acknowledge that pressure is not just a woman’s issue, either. (Again, if it were, then why would Paul use this word?). I want us to use our Bible studies and our support groups and our friendships to share our stories and use them to help us all cope with this incessant vacuum that aims to crush our individuality, silence our voices, and separate us from God’s love and comfort found in true Christian fellowship.

​Can I get a witness?