Joshua 7

“I wanted it so badly,” said Achan when Joshua confronted him with the sin of taking and keeping a cloak and some gold and silver from the ruins of Jericho. I wanted it so badly that I deliberately disobeyed the Lord. I wanted it so badly that I put my family, my clan, my tribe in danger. I wanted it so badly that I buried it to hide it for myself.

I have always heard the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” I guess Achan would agree with that. He wanted those forbidden riches, so he took them. He knew taking what the Lord had left for destruction was wrong; otherwise he wouldn’t have hidden it. And getting what he wanted led to the deaths of at least a couple of thousand of his fellow Israelites, the stoning and burning of his family and himself, and a name forever associated with the Valley of Trouble. How could a temporary desire for forbidden loot tempt him into such a terrible fate?

Desire. Such a powerful longing that wraps around our hearts and squeezes out any other feeling. It snakes its way into our brains and curls around our thoughts, suffocating reason and replacing it with eggs of a similar color in a nest of pining and justification. The need slithers from our lips and then wiggles through our fingertips, who obey the demands of the hissing craving.

I can’t help but think of all the times I wanted something so badly that I didn’t consider the consequences of that desire, nor did I consider whether that desire was right or wrong. Achan heard the instructions clearly; he knew that he was supposed to burn any spoils from the battle of Jericho. I remember wanting so badly to be accepted into a neighborhood “club” when I was a little girl that I took $20 out of my mom’s wallet to pay my “dues” into the club. I remember wanting to be interesting and garner the approval of my friend Missy so badly when I was in third grade that I made up stories about having horses in my grandpa’s shed. I remember wanting so badly to please a guy in my life that I would lie for him.

At the root of these desires was discontent and self-doubt. Maybe even self-loathing. I wanted someone else’s approval. If I wanted material goods, I wanted them because I thought they would win  me approval. Yet, I was looking for approval from the wrong places, looking for another person’s approval, the approval of a flawed, sinful person, just like me. I was discontented with the way the Lord had made me; for years I believed myself too fat or too square or too nerdy to be loved.